Escaped from prison and came for us….we are then victim further to the people and authorities around him! Part 1.

The corona pandemic came in March 2020. I was nearly finished with my last placement when lockdown measures were imposed. During this time my sons father was transferred to an open prison.

One sunny morning we was woken to knocking on the door and my sons name being shouted. Half asleep , with only a TShirt on, I peered through the window to see who it could be. As my mind and eyes came to focus my son was already down the stairs with the door open. He is nine years old and has a friend like relationship with his dad. As you can imagine he misses his dad very much.

Realising it was his dad, I asked what are you doing here. My child was scooped up in his arms as I checked my phone to realise the battery was dead.

Dad stated he was on weekend release, as he slurred his speech, looking through me with blood shocked eyes.

I imediatley knew he was lying. It is important to know dad is serving a prison sentence for a domestic violent incident involving a knife with his most recent ex partner. They started a relationship when my son was five and have a family of two children, both under three.

They have a restraining order and he knows he is not welcome or allowed near their home. My son has been visiting dad with his nana and comunicating with letters and phone calls.

On this bright sunny saturday morning after weeks of isolation for people on the outside of prison, it seems 23 hours lockdown to a cell had become to much for the prisoners.

I quickly scrambled to get my charger from upstairs to plug in the kitchen. Dad and my pride and joy were standing on the decking kicking the football and talking about a paddling pool day. My anxiousness and urgency for my phone, aroused dads suspicions. I could feel his tone change as he looked scared. I remained strong, telling him I don’ believe he should be here, without a guard or a phone call. My mum rang at this point and I was able to explain to someone outside of my house, he was here. I did not feel safe and my mothers instinct enabled her to recognise in my voice. She advised me to ring his mum to check, assuming she will help, with him being her only son. I rang she did not answer.

I txted dads mum: dad is here he said on day release?

She replied: Hes lying get him out .

How?

She replied shal I ring the police.

At this point his suspicion take over and he interrogates my motives. Who are you talking to ? Can I use your phone?.

I point out my strength because I felt so weak, and could recognise his switch in attitude, totally effect my nerves, my knees and ability to think straight.

His mum tx again and he asks can he ring her. I handed him the phone he dialed, again no answer. He noticed the txt message about ringing the police.

See part 2

#domesticviolence #corona2020 #prisonescape #prisonerspandemic #englandcoronavirus2020 #DV #singleparent #shortstories #reallifestories #singlemum #autobiography #prisoner

#23hourslockedup #dad #manchester

Victim to a victim of domestic voiolence

When your childs other parent is placed in prison a number of chalenges are exspected.

However on reaching out to his new victim I was verbally abused and accused of festering feelings for the bum.

People whom know me know I do anything and everything to support my sons wellbeing.

Having sibling in a different district I thought I would encourage contact.

Being in a simaler position to myself When breaking the negative cycle of Dv within our families, I thought we could support each other.

For this I have been called names heard from the back of school bus.

My support encouraged my blocking of such person, who I am stil making excuses for.

On doing so, I arrived home after a long day at work to another essay of abuse.

I must be soo excited to receive his misspelt letters and visits to hell.

My blood curdled, I am trying my best with cards I was dealt and even the players on my position want to attack.

I have blocked again and confident that I have tried.

I am however left with a lingering feeling that she may not be as innocent as the courts have been made to believe.

#domesticviolence #dv #victim #guilty #singlemother #manchester #abused

Corona poem 06.04 20.

On hearing after war, suicide will bloom.

Told a purpose, saves us from gloom.

I am left further depressed.

My child looks towards the only figure he has, and wonders his purpose at 8.

When he wakes of a morning he always feels great

Adapting easily to where he wants to be, he seeks the warmth from where I’m positioned.

He’s served upon his needs and wants proportionally maybe more.

My shadow is bloomed in energy now. My direction is your smile.

Iv longed to be his parent, alone I am Fulfilled with pride.

I answer, to be happy son and never get depressed.

Teaching my son right from wrong with the world and the ecological systems in it being against us.

Following on from the last post I made I have been through a very difficult time explaining where dad is, to my boy.  He has been sentenced to 5 years for domestic violence which opens sincere concerns to him potentially being a danger to his children. How do a 7, 3 and 2 year old begin to understand where dad is and why he is there and why they now are being punished for what dad has done.

I have had emotional turmoil deciding what to do for my 7-year-old, at first I thought he was better in ignorence due to his age.  I have a degree in childhood studies and studying for a masters degree in social work. I am very aware of my own personel feelings in not idealising dads behaviours or circumstances, yet still believe the negative implications of having no present father figure growing up, outway my thoughts about this. All reading I have covered and resources in regards to parents of prisoners (POPS) offered have been explored. I have rang the prison thems selves but due to cuts there is not even a children and family section to Forest bank , my child was reprimanded himself for wearing a football kit, provoking a conversation he didnt need to witness about football hooliganism.

My decision decider came from a conversation with my child. One day when he returned from school I jokingly told him I had completed his computer game while he was in school. He questioned me for a while before announcing ‘I believe you’.  ‘You have always told me how wrong it is to lie’. At this time I had told my boy his absent father was working in London. He made me feel a sence of guilt in these actions, which I had used to protect him. He was right and I felt at the time the situation was coherent to his level of understanding, obviously with a level of child friendly language. My biggest concern was how he would feel internally and how he could be affected by dads irresponsible behaviour.

I decided to wait until the day of a visit, so not to leave him with the uncertainty of dads situation, believing the prison surroundings may assure him, dad was ok. On telling him he was devastated he cried inconsolably as I reassured him his dad loved him and dad was ok.

This man is the reason I struggle daily but I feel the systems around support him more than they do me and my child. I was forced to struggle as I believe had I spoken to services I would be under investigation, and at the time of splitting I didnt want anybody around to make me feel judged or explain my self.

I am supporting my son have a relationship with his father because after many agonizing sleepless nights this is where I am and what I believe is the best thing I can do for my child and I am happy to support this. Yet I left my work 2 months before this incident because I had received a letter stating I am entitled to child support in the amount of £7000 due to dads unpaid fees and me working full time, receiving no benefits. Ongoing to prison he loses this debt until release and I get nothing. Not only this I am without the child care I had in place in order to attend university. When I explain this situation to my place of study they explain that they will not support me with the hours of placement and suggest I should defer. The bursary I received has gone to the fees and we live off £64 a week. I also now have to find traveling costs to prisons miles away and hope my sons father doesnt take his own life, not to mention get treated like a criminal myself on entering the horrible place with contempt by the staff, searched and spoken to like an animal.

When starting out as a single parent I was determined to show my son its not good to rely on benefits and how he should work hard and also prove I wasn’t another negative statistic. I will continue to do this, but I feel the system could do more to understand individual circumstances. I never wanted to be a single parent, I never wanted to leave him but law and knowledge told me this is what was best. So why does everything still seem like a constant battle which is out of my control? and why do we continue to be punished for someone I chose to leave 5 years ago #singleparent #prison #domesticviolence #ecologicalsystems #MMU #Forestbankprison #POPS #systems #governmentcuts #support #judged #getoutalive #womansaid #Manchester2019

#help #advice #support

#domesticviolence

I had some horrible news recently about my sons father and his new partner. Prison is now something il will have to introduce to my son which I worry about , but lying also feels unhelpful. He turned 7 not long ago and I have reached out to #pops about advice but no reply. I am studying for my Masters in Social work and have chosen to focus my disertation on #Domesticviolence and would really appriciate any advice or information to support me through this very worrying time #manchester

He is asking questions and talking about his dad more than usual which tells me he feels something. I want to be there for him and am very concerned how he wil react or feel. I dont want to lie and control his world but in equal measures I do not want my child visiting a prison. Please help …

#concerned parent #parentsadvice #motherssupport #parentsofPrisoners #POPS #student #socialworkstudent